Tuesday, September 27, 2011

One step at a time- forwards or backwards, just don't fall sideways

Art by: Nababa
I should really have posted this the instant I started this blog- this post being the obligatory 'mark my words, I am here to stay' post, a la Captain Cook and his ilk's ritual stabbing of soil with a flagpole or in slightly less sensationalistic imagery, a dog daintily raising one hind leg to piss-mark its territory.

After three years of self-inflicted torture doing a degree for which I had only a fleeting interest in- fleeting, yes, I'm being rather generous here- I am finally free. Freedom itself isn't much fun. I am at a loss, really. I'd like to go on studying some more- though as usual I have no burning desire for any particular subject. Perhaps International Relations, or Journalism. Anyway it's a moot point, since I don't have the money for it and my grades aren't stellar enough for a scholarship.

If not study, work, then. It was bound to happen, anyway, since I wasn't born into a clan of habitual billionaires. Education is, if you stop to think about it, a glorified form of escape, or delay. Well, work. I don't know. Something to do with Japanese, hopefully.

A new wardrobe is in order, then. I don't have a single piece of formal wear. That I have to spend money before earning it is just ridiculous, but that's how the world works- spend money before you have it, and lock yourself into an endless cycle of debt-repayments. I'll also have to get a pair of leather shoes- not something I look forward to since they restrict my movements tremendously. No more pirouetting to turn, but boring forward-backward marching movements instead. Ah well.

One thing that will take some time to go away- but one that I would gladly be rid of- is the inevitable feeling of dislocation and unconscious exclusion (perhaps unwarranted), with everyone going their own way after graduating- the bulk of them going in the same direction.

Well then. I don't think I've wrote anything so far which smacks of territorial marking, so I guess I'll just ignore that- or better yet, take it to mean that I've already melted into ownership of this place. What now? Expect more of the same posts as before (by before I mean my previous site).

Regardless of whatever will happen to me, or whatever I chose to do to myself- hold on, let me rephrase that- whatever direction I choose to point myself in- I do need something to look forward to. As they (my messed-up internal debate team) say, 'a life without anything to look forward to would be perpetual bliss, but some pain is good too, sometimes' (ignorance is bliss, after all)- the problem is I don't have anything to look forward to. Well, I did, but none of it has happened yet. I've never wanted or expected it, but the problem is that when you're told to expect things and they don't come, regardless of whether you wanted it or not in the first place, it's just... disappointing, to say the least.

... no hard feelings, though. Anyway, what better cure than to indulge in a bout of imaginary shopping? There's a bunch of things that I want, much more interesting than work clothes. I'm looking for what is apparently known as a cropped jacket- think Lelouch's (from Code Geass) orange jacket, though I'd prefer a color and material that's a little more... faux-formal? I found one on an online store- it looked alright, though not what I had in mind, being attached to a shirt. Irritating. The same can be said of international shipping fees.

Next on the want list, a pile of Gundam model kits. First up is the MG 00 Gundam Seven Sword... I'll probably get it a few months after it's released- hopefully the price will have dropped by then, and store owners will be twitching their fingers hoping for some odd souls to take it off their shelves. Next up is the MG Full Armor Unicorn Gundam Ver. Ka- looking at the insane price of 8400 yen I've decided to wait a while for this one too- despite a little voice in my head telling me that this guy won't stay on shop shelves for long. Sigh. Last up is the ReZEL Commander Type- though I can't decide whether to go for the smaller HGUC version so it's in the same scale as the rest of my collection, or to go for the MG... because it's pretty. It's most likely that I'll never be able to decide amongst the 3 (4 actually), and end up not buying anything at all. Sad, innit?

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