Friday, October 5, 2012

Who's up for a game of "Where's Wally?"

A selection of important lessons learnt, and random observations made during a brief journey to *name of location redacted*:

"Perfect timing means nothing in the face of traffic and busybody drivers- or rather, perfect timing is anything but perfect when you have a flight to catch."

"When in a rush, forget the bus. When in a rush, don't blindly agree with the person who blindly suggested taking the bus."

"Just because you stand around and drink doesn't mean you can call it a cocktail session when you serve anything but cocktails."

"If you have nothing to say, or don't understand the language, just stand straight and stare critically at your wine glass, and make sure not to drop it."

"Speaking of which, I will never understand *language redacted*, even if technically I am partially *redacted*."

A brief conversation:
Wench: Would you like a drink? We have red wine, champagne, whiskey...
Matron: I've had enough, another one and I'll get drunk.

Wench: *laughed and fluttered away, saying something unintelligible, which I'm still trying to decipher*

"Life is unfair. My table has no wenches."

"Never have prawns on the menu. Half the crowd will shy away from it for fear of cholesterol, a quarter due to allergies, and the rest from the sheer trouble of having to skin it. All in all it's just a delicious waste."

"I can actually feel the money flowing. None of it in my direction, though."

"Why wear a white dress with a semi-exposed lace back, only to ruin the effect by showing your bra strap? At least the strap was white."

"Evian mineral water... tastes like mineral water. And I consider myself a H2O connoisseur."

"If you don't have much time in the sauna and aren't sweating fast enough- do some push-ups. It works wonders. Just try not to faint."

"Though, come to think of it, if you aren't sweating after a few minutes in a 65 degrees-c room, but you sweat buckets after a short walk, you're probably just weird."

"Maps are deceiving. Distance and time are relative. Don't trust someone with short legs who says 'it isn't far from here'."

"And finally, if the rich guy says 'use my money' you really should just use it. Period."

Final thoughts: This seems like a wonderful format for future travelogues- the composing of most such posts suck the life out of me more effectively than a succubus ever could. I'd do the same for all future posts, if I wasn't so intent on putting in so many photos and describing every pixel in each one.

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